


Worth it to me (Jaspar)

by KillerQueen726



Series: Our Life As Jaspar [2]
Category: Joe Sugg/Caspar Lee - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: CasparLee, Fluff, Gay, JoeSugg, M/M, Ship, Thatcherjoe, jaspar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7078621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen726/pseuds/KillerQueen726
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe and Caspar come across a hate-page while filming a youtube video. Caspar's insecurity is exposed and only Joe can help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth it to me (Jaspar)

**Author's Note:**

> First story on this website. Slight trigger warning. Enjoy :)

**Caspar’s POV**

I sat on the bed in Joe’s room, Joe next to me with his head on my shoulder and our fingers intertwined. We were scrolling through youtube about to make our next collab. It would be our first video since we released a video on both of our channels stating that we were officially a couple. It’d only been 4 days and the video was released 2 days ago.

“Casp, what if we do this one, google autofill youtuber edition.” Joe said pointing to a video on the screen.

I smiled. “Oooh that would be really fun! We could search Ourselves, Alfie, Oli, Marcus, Zoe, Troye and Tyler” I said sitting up straighter. “And we could film it now too! We don’t have to be at the meet and greet in Manchester till tomorrow afternoon anyways.”

“We can edit it in the morning before we go and when we get home we can film a second video for my channel.” Joe said with a small laugh.

About a half hour later, we had set up the hat to draw names from, the camera and lighting.

“Hello everybody! My name is Caspar Lee and i’m here with my amazing boyfriend-”

“Joe Sugg!!” Joe exclaimed, planting a kiss on my cheek.

I blushed a bit and smiled. “Today we’re going to be doing our own version of a video we saw on the SuperCarlinBrothers page.”

“Google Autofill...youtuber edition” Joe and I said together.

“Basically what it is, we type in the names of our fellow youtubers and see what pops up after it and see where it leads us” Joe explained.

I pulled up my laptop and the hat. “In this had are the names of a few of our youtuber friends. We’ll take turns drawing names.” I said.

“Would you like to go first, JoJo?” I asked, offering him the hat.

“Always the gentleman, eh?” Joe teased as he pulled a slip of folded paper from the hat. I just chuckled and rolled my eyes. He cleared his throat and put on a derp face that made me laugh. “Joe Sugg” he read.

“Always the narcissist, eh?” I mocked playfully as I typed Joe’s name into my awaiting google search bar. “Hmmm let’s see here...”

I pulled the laptop in between Joe and I. “Joe Sugg snapchat, Joe Sugg and Caspar Lee” -I flashed a cheesy smile to the camera.- ”Joe Sugg and Zoella,” I sighed. “These are all boring let’s try this” I started typing on the keyboard. “Is Joe Sugg...Is Joe Sugg rich, Is Joe Sugg-”

I was cut off by Joe’s laughter. “Casp click that one, Is Joe Sugg Dead.”

I laughed and clicked it and it instantly brought up page after page.

“Most of these are just links to crazy fanfictions from you guys and oh would you look at that” said Joe as his eyes studied the screen. “Joe Sugg hate page.” He snorted. “Lets see what this is all about.”

_ Hate page?  _ I thought in disbelief.  _ What could anybody hate about my JoJo? _

We brought up the website and looked in shock. It was a page that had screenshots of his videos and people could comment on it. There was a tab for a bunch of pages like this for other youtubers. “Casp look at this comment: stupid skinny oaf. His heads to small for his body and he’s not even funny.” Joe snorted. “If this is your idea of hatred then you all are as intimidating as a bunch of snowflakes. Is that the best you can do Mr. Unknown User?” He said with a roll of his eyes.

My hand absentmindedly scrolled the mouse to the top of the page and clicked the tab for my page. The first picture was a screenshot of the video on my channel about me and Joe’s relationship.

**Joe’s POV**

“If this is your idea of hatred then you all are as intimidating as a bunch of snowflakes. Is that the best you can do Mr. Unknown User? I said to the camera. Sure it hurt that some of these comments were actually really hurtful but some of these were just plain stupid and kind of funny.

I watched as Caspar clicked the tab for his page on this dumb website. One of the pictures was from the video on his channel about me and Caspar’s relationship.

I looked at the comments below it and my mouth dropped. They were awful! “ _ J _ oe can do so much better. In the vlogs you can clearly see he’s the tag-along.”  Caspar red his voice dying out at the end. I looked to Caspar and his eyes filled with tears but he blinked them away. “Oh Caspar no” I said. “You’re not just a tag-along we love you. I love you.” No response. Did he even hear me?

He scrolled past the comments regarding our relationship and looked at the next picture which was a screenshot from a vlog. Me, Alfie, Zoe, Marcus, Troye, Tyler, and Tanya were standing in a row and Caspar was behind us resting his chin on my shoulder and his arm around Alfie with a goofy grin. My Caspar.

Caspar’s voice cracked as he read the comments. “Look at him, even with his friends he’s the outcast. He-he clearly doesn’t contribute to the group. Worthless piece of wannabe trash.” A tear rolled Caspar’s face he looked so broken. “He puts on the dumb act but doesn’t it get tiring being the stupid one in the group? It’s probably not even an act.”

“Caspar look at me these people are wrong!” But Caspar didn’t look at me. He didn’t even acknowledge me until a moment later.

“Joe turn off the Camera.” He said shakily.  

“Of course.” I quickly turned off the camera and pulled Caspar’s laptop away from him and closed it. He began to cry harder. I pulled him close to me and wrapped him in a hug. “Caspar those people are wrong. They are all awful people who feel bad about themselves and only want to make others feel bad to help themselves.” My heart ached for my partner. Caspar loosened his grip on me and pulled away. “You're friends love you and I love you Caspar don’t you think for even a second that I don’t.” I put my hand on his cheek.

He pulled away from me and shook his head. “No Joe, those people are right. You deserve better.” He stood and ran to the bathroom and I heard the door slam.

“Caspar wait!” I cried, running after him. But my only response was the sound of the lock turning on the bathroom door.

Caspar’s POV

I stood and stared at myself in the mirror tears streaming down my face. My body racking with sobs. _How could he love me?_ _The comments on the hate page were right._ I thought. My thoughts echoing off of my brain. _Worthless...worthless.....worthless. Stupid....stupid......stupid. Joe deserves so much better than me_. _How could Joe love someone like me? He couldn’t. Doesn’t. Won’t._ I glared at the reflection in the mirror. I hated it. It was weak. _Just the tag-along of the group. Dumb. Worthless_.

“I’m not worthless.” I whispered aloud, my voice raw and raspy. The comments swirled around in my head.  _ Worthless....worthless.  _ I stared at my reflection in the mirror. “I’m not worthless” I said to it. I balled my fists as my words echoed and bounced off of the bathroom walls. The comments were pounding into my head louder and louder.  _ Stupid. Weirdo. Wannabe. Worthless.  _ “I am not worthless” I said louder. The tears were falling again. “I AM NOT WORTHLESS” I screamed bringing my balled fists to the mirror smashing it to bits. The shards went flying and I cried out as a few cut me. The sound of the mirror being smashed echoed sharply throughout the small bathroom, leaving silence in it’s wake. Pure, ugly, silence. The kind that you could feel. And in that moment of silence I heard the bathroom door swing open and I saw Joe. I felt myself falling I hit my head against the countertop and I heard Joe scream my name and everything went black.

**Joe’s POV**

I frantically tried to get the door open but Caspar had locked it. “Caspar open this door” I called jiggling the handle. I heard him muttering something. I was afraid he might hurt himself. I couldn’t let him go through this. This whole video idea was my fault. I looked around the room for something I could use to unlock the door. I found and unbent a closet hanger and carefully inserted it into the lock. I heard Caspar scream something and a loud crashing sound. I managed to get the door open and I looked in horror as I watched Caspar fall to the floor surrounded by shards of glass.

“CASPAR” I screamed. I ran to his side and the tears spilled over like a broken dam. He was bleeding on his hands and there was a cut on his head. “Caspar I’m sorry. “I’m so so sorry.”

I picked him up and carried him to my bed. I was shaking like a leaf and crying like a baby.

An hour passed and I had put away the camera equipment, dressed Caspar’s cuts, and cleaned up the mess of glass in the bathroom. I went and sat on my bed next to where Caspar was lying and burst into tears. I looked down at my boyfriend, wiping tears from my face. I brushed caspar’s hair out of his face and gingerly ran my fingers along his jawline. 

He stirred a bit and my eyes widened.  _ Please.  _ I thought. “Please wake up Casp. I need you. I love you. Please.”

I  watched as his eyes opened and locked with mine. “Joe” he whispered.

He sat up and I embraced him in a hug again and this time he welcomed it. He nuzzled into my neck breathing in deep breaths and letting them out. “Oh Casp” I whispered. “I’m sorry Caspar I love you so much and can’t imagine my life without you in it. The commenters on that sight were wrong, love. Wrong about all of it.” I loosened my grip on him and i looked him in the eye. “About our friends.” He sighed and looked up at me, tears still staining his cheeks. “About you”. With every sentence i moved closer.  “About us” I whispered and I smiled as Caspar closed the gap and brought his lips to mine. I pulled away and pressed my forehead against his softly.

“I love you Caspar Lee.” I said softly. “You’re not worthless, you’re worth it. Worth it to me.”


End file.
